You weren't supposed to mean that much to me and I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you.

This guy.... what can I say? I fell in love with him. I don't know how. We never spent time together; we just texted and maybe called every now and then. Until last Christmas, at least. But how could just texts and random talking make two people fall in love? Was it just a trick? Was it just me wanting someone to say I love you to? I really have no idea. I don't know what started it other than a text one day while I was in class.

Him: How do you know if you are in love?

ME: I guess it's when you can't stop thinking about someone. They come into your mind at random times and you don't know how or why. You want to surround yourself them and nothing else.

Him: Then I'm in love with you.

Was it that simple? All of these things were things he felt for me? How could that be? I wasn't even in the same state as him. Texting can't make people fall in love, right? Apparently texting does have this power. It just shows how powerful words can be. But this isn't really the point. The point is that I "fell in love" too.

I really don't know if I was in love with him. It seems like I just wanted someone to keep telling me they loved me because, honestly, I hadn't ever heard it before. No one had ever told me that they loved me, and this love from a boy just gave me chills and I liked it. Still to this day when we talk and he calls me beautiful I find myself smiling. But, I feel like I shouldn't.

We started dating in September of 2009, after a 3 year infatuation on my part. By Christmas that year we were already broken up because he couldn't handle the distance. It drove him crazy that he couldn't physically show me he loved me. My life long dream of going to an out of state college ruined that.

I had a month long Winter break from school that I spent back home. Like I had promised a lot of that time was spent with him. We went to movies, went bowling and spent a little time with his family. We even went on a night long trip to another state and returned the next morning. No sex was had, by the way. He did sneak a kiss but nothing more than that. I would be going back to school again and didn't want to start up any more feelings for either of us. Anyway, we did spend a lot of time together. The last night I was home ruined all of it though.

His mom invited me over for dinner and games with the family and of course I agreed to show. I love his family. They were always so much fun and I always felt like family when I was with them. When I got to the house, however, He wouldn't even look at me. Not one word was said between us while I was there and I had no idea why. He wouldn't stay in a room I was in long enough for me to find out either. I ended up leaving early and didn't talk to him for at least a month afterward. I was hurt. There was no reason for how He acted and I wasn't going to give in and plead for an explanation. I'm too stubborn for that. We both were.

This wasn't the only time that He had treated me like this. There were plenty of times that I was infuriated with Him for acting like such a child. This is why I feel like I never should've fallen in love with him. I shouldn't have let anything get to any point past just friends. He really shouldn't mean so much to me that I get hurt by Him. I definitely let my guard down when it came to Him and I definitely regret it.

We fight and somehow make up long enough to do it all over again. None of my friends like Him because of the things He has done and I don't know how they would feel about me going back to Him.

This brings up another question. If I did go back to Him, would it be just because no one else came along and I want that love feeling again? If that's the case that won't be fair to either of us. But I care enough about him to think about Him at least once a day, and to text him after a fight and make up. If I end up going home, I'm sure that I will end up running straight back to Him, and if it's for the wrong reasons... I don't want that to happen.