Dear ..... ,

I miss you. Did you know that if you would have asked me to, I would have stayed? All you had to do was say please, stay with me. That's it. None of this distance mess would have ever happened. We would have eliminated the tears, the lonely nights, the stupid fights and every bad thing in between. So, tell me, why didn't you ask me to stay? Didn't you know that's what I wanted? Didn't you know it was what I longed to hear you say? Didn't you know I wanted to be with you?

I miss you. More than anything. I wish that I could come home and see your face; those eyes. I want to be in your arms right now laughing at nothing and smiling for no reason. I long for your touch and for your lips to touch mine. I want to feel your fingers running through my hair and your breath against my neck.

I miss you. I'm 1200 miles away and a lot of things have changed. I still love you, though. That hasn't changed; it won't change. I can only wait for the day I can see you again. That will be a day I will remember forever.

I miss you.

Dear Love

Dear Love,

Where are you? I’ve looked everywhere, but I can’t seem to find you. Like comes around a lot, but you… don’t. It’s sad really. I want you to be present. I want to feel the emotion that tags along with you. I want the chills, the smiles, everything that you bring. So why aren’t you around? Am I not meant to have you? Am I just one of those people whom you avoid? What is it? Why can’t you just show up, even for a little while.

I met a guy. He’s great. You’d really like him. He said that he loves to see me smile, and I can tell that he tries to make that happen every chance he gets. He doesn’t really have to try hard though. Just his existence makes me smile. The way he throws his head back when he laughs. The way his brow furrows when he’s trying to pay attention to what’s being said. That awkward expression his face gets when he doesn’t know something. I can’t help but grin. Being around him seems to make my life simple and happy. I really hope that you two can meet one day. I’m sure you’ll hit it off right away.

I thought you would have come around a lot faster once I met him. I mean this guy is amazing. I didn’t think it would be this hard to get you to come. It’s just that the friend status seems to have taken its place in our relationship. He says that I’m the best friend a guy could have. I’m even one of the guys. As glad I am that he thinks that much of me, I wish there was room for you to come into the picture. I’m so completely distraught that Friend has taken your spot. It’s frustrating.

So what do I do? Wait for you to get here, Love? I need to know if I should wait or if I’m wasting my time. I really hope that isn’t the case. If there is hope that you will come, I will wait for as long as it takes. He’s worth it; very much so. For now, I will wait. Just please, hurry. I don’t know how much I can take.

Love,

Me

You weren't supposed to mean that much to me and I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you.

This guy.... what can I say? I fell in love with him. I don't know how. We never spent time together; we just texted and maybe called every now and then. Until last Christmas, at least. But how could just texts and random talking make two people fall in love? Was it just a trick? Was it just me wanting someone to say I love you to? I really have no idea. I don't know what started it other than a text one day while I was in class.

Him: How do you know if you are in love?

ME: I guess it's when you can't stop thinking about someone. They come into your mind at random times and you don't know how or why. You want to surround yourself them and nothing else.

Him: Then I'm in love with you.

Was it that simple? All of these things were things he felt for me? How could that be? I wasn't even in the same state as him. Texting can't make people fall in love, right? Apparently texting does have this power. It just shows how powerful words can be. But this isn't really the point. The point is that I "fell in love" too.

I really don't know if I was in love with him. It seems like I just wanted someone to keep telling me they loved me because, honestly, I hadn't ever heard it before. No one had ever told me that they loved me, and this love from a boy just gave me chills and I liked it. Still to this day when we talk and he calls me beautiful I find myself smiling. But, I feel like I shouldn't.

We started dating in September of 2009, after a 3 year infatuation on my part. By Christmas that year we were already broken up because he couldn't handle the distance. It drove him crazy that he couldn't physically show me he loved me. My life long dream of going to an out of state college ruined that.

I had a month long Winter break from school that I spent back home. Like I had promised a lot of that time was spent with him. We went to movies, went bowling and spent a little time with his family. We even went on a night long trip to another state and returned the next morning. No sex was had, by the way. He did sneak a kiss but nothing more than that. I would be going back to school again and didn't want to start up any more feelings for either of us. Anyway, we did spend a lot of time together. The last night I was home ruined all of it though.

His mom invited me over for dinner and games with the family and of course I agreed to show. I love his family. They were always so much fun and I always felt like family when I was with them. When I got to the house, however, He wouldn't even look at me. Not one word was said between us while I was there and I had no idea why. He wouldn't stay in a room I was in long enough for me to find out either. I ended up leaving early and didn't talk to him for at least a month afterward. I was hurt. There was no reason for how He acted and I wasn't going to give in and plead for an explanation. I'm too stubborn for that. We both were.

This wasn't the only time that He had treated me like this. There were plenty of times that I was infuriated with Him for acting like such a child. This is why I feel like I never should've fallen in love with him. I shouldn't have let anything get to any point past just friends. He really shouldn't mean so much to me that I get hurt by Him. I definitely let my guard down when it came to Him and I definitely regret it.

We fight and somehow make up long enough to do it all over again. None of my friends like Him because of the things He has done and I don't know how they would feel about me going back to Him.

This brings up another question. If I did go back to Him, would it be just because no one else came along and I want that love feeling again? If that's the case that won't be fair to either of us. But I care enough about him to think about Him at least once a day, and to text him after a fight and make up. If I end up going home, I'm sure that I will end up running straight back to Him, and if it's for the wrong reasons... I don't want that to happen.

Jobs

Finding a job is basically becoming like finding a needle in a hay stack. It can be so frustrating when you go into a potential work place and go through the whole application process only to be left in the dark for days or even weeks afterward. Some cases, at least for me, you don't even hear a thing EVER!

People say that you should call them so that they know that you want the job. It shows how much of a go getter you can be and apparently that looks good. So tell me why every time I call a place that I have applied at they either sound annoyed and tell me to be patient or they take down my name and number and NEVER CALL BACK!

Do employers not realize that when someone is applying for a job that it's because THEY NEED IT!? No one goes out applying for fun. If people could I'm positive that they would much rather sit at home and get paid to watch TV or travel or anything besides actually working. Employers need to realize that people need jobs and if they say they are hiring... they need to hire people and not wait for them to show that they want the job more than the job wants them.

You'd think that a place that says yes, we are hiring! would be anxious to get someone in there to work for them. You'd think that they would call you to offer an interview. They don't though. They take your application and hide it away in some folder in an office underneath all the "important" paperwork. I'm sure of it. They probably don't even want any one else to work in their precious work place, and only say they are hiring to laugh at the people that don't have jobs. That's just sick.

Of course, I am looking for a job if you hadn't figured it out by now. I need something to do before I go insane. I have no money, hence wanting the job. I have no life because of the lack of money, hence wanting the job. Anything would suffice, but something needs to come up soon...... very soon................

Internet Life

I wake up. What is my first thought? Breakfast? No. Brushing teeth? No. Not even stretching or breathing crosses my mind before I look right at my computer and wonder who has ventured on over to my Facebook profile.

Three new notifications. Score!

Hotmail is my next stop. I delete most and reply to the few emails that mean something, before crossing over to the land of Formspring. After that comes Dailybooth and then I continue on to Stumble the internet for a cool website that will catch my interest.

I get ready and continue on with my day, but not with out checking my phone for new Facebook messages and replying to the many Tweets that come to my phone.

Once I get home, I'm right back on Facebook and checking email just as I had done earlier that day. I continue to Stumble onto new websites, write in my blog and catch up with people on Dailybooth until I look at the clock and think 3 a.m. is late enough. I drift off to sleep, knowing that my day will repeat itself in the morning.

Sadly, this is a day in the life of a friend of mine. He's constantly on the internet or checking his phone/ipod touch for new messages on any of his social networking sites. I don't understand this. After realizing that most of his friendships are with people he has never met and doesn't really plan to meet, and that he is CONSTANTLY on the internet somehow, I have seen the world in a new light. I do know that my friend isn't the only one in the world who's life has been taken over by the internet. I've realized that there are many other lost souls among the sea of websites that are going through the same daily routines. But I just don't get it. How can a person spend their life wrapped up in all this?

I came up with a few could be answers to this question.

#1

Social life is easier in the virtual world.

Although I completely disagree with this, some people really do have trouble talking to people face to face and find it easier to just type how they feel or what they think. Having more personal rather than electronic relationships aren't really a huge deal for them.

#2

They can be whoever they want.

Tons of people wish they could be someone else. Meeting people on the internet could give these people the confidence they need to become who they truly want to be.

#3

They have become so wrapped up in their internet life that they don't realize it is their life.

This lifestyle could be the only one they've known. I mean they've done it long enough. They might know their way around the internet better than they do real life. Internet life is their REAL life.

Who knows the real reasons people take on an internet life. In my opinion too much of a good thing could turn out to be bad, and until people realize....... the internet will continue to be their life.